The most important relationship we ever have, is that one with ourselves.

It’s also the one we often forget to invest in, especially when times get hard. We get too busy with life, families, work… when was the last time you invested in you?

 I always remember someone saying to me once, “how can you expect anyone else to love you, if you don’t love yourself?”  It’s so true. How often do we think about, or put the time aside to work on ourselves? To develop ourselves? And I don’t just mean academically, doing courses etc in our work fields, I mean working on ourselves emotionally, spiritually? We all know that we’re not perfect, but do we do anything consciously to improve?

Like so many of us, you may not actually realise that you need to work on your internal relationship with yourself. Take some time to stop and think about how you seek love and value from the relationships around you. Are you happy in yourself, in your own skin or do you seek validation from others? Are the stories you tell yourself positive or negative? Are you positive most of the time or can you be a bit of a negative Nelly?

You see, the relationship we have with ourselves affects all the other relationships around us. 

One way to take stock, is to assess the relationships around you. For example, I often see clients who might have low self-esteem and one, their relationship with themselves isn’t good but two, often they will have poor relationships around them. They will have a partner who isn’t good for them, they might have poor friends or family members who treat them badly in some way and so on.

Here’s an exercise for you. Think about the people and the relationships you have.

• How would you rate these on a scale of 1-10? 
• Why are some stronger than others? 
• What can you do to improve the weaker ones, or could you let them go if they are relationships that don’t bring you good things? 

Now, you know I love a list and a great exercise here is to list out all the good qualities and behaviours you look for in a relationship/friendship. Do the people around you have those qualities – if not, then it’s time to do something about it. What qualities do you appreciate in another person? 

Once you have your list, do two things. One, map your relationship with yourself against those behaviours (EG: if you have written down loyalty as a trait you appreciate in others, are you loyal in relationships? Or is it something you need to improve on?). Two, then think of the people around you and see if they have the qualities, you’ve written down. If they don’t – is it time to let them go? 

We’ve all had those ‘energy vampires’ around us – people who suck the life out of us in one way or another – maybe they moan all the time, maybe they only call when they want something but never give anything back to the relationship – have a think about the people in your life.

By doing this exercise, you’ll soon see how you’re showing up for yourself compared to others and how you’re allowing others to show up. Take some time to think about what your boundaries are with relationships, what your non-negotiables are. 

Like many things, our relationships, including the one with ourselves, are shaped in early childhood – from experiences, beliefs we learnt from those around us at the time. The good news is with some work and attention it can be unlearned, reframed, and become much healthier! 

It’s also a useful reminder that as time goes on, we evolve and grow, so it’s ok to let things that haven’t grown in the same way, go! Sometimes we just outgrow people and that’s ok too! As you develop and move towards other things, you’ll find new people start to enter your life

Are you ready to work on your relationships (the most important one being the relationship with yourself? 

Book in for a chat and let’s see how I can help you establish the best relationships to support your growth.